Thursday, September 2, 2010

the misery of failure

You know I left naked gang my old guild because of failure. truth be told thats what it was. the failure ofc being my own. Its not that being in ng was making me unhappy, hell i was fking over joyed, used to run home from work to join the g chat. But i couldnt get a decent icc25 run to save my life, just wasnt happening. So with the failure of my afterlife overtures, and the failure of the launch of my 2nd icc10 team, mainly cos the people i recruited left the guild inside 2 weeks, then I met astu doing a os3d run for achiev, well ast was the holadin officer who persuaded me to take on my shammy for the good of the guild. Then astu left for a better progressed guild. So when astu said gerby we stalled on lk: want to come? I did. So now I am a member of light: one of the top server guilds, 6 i think. doing hc 25s and loving the loot and kingslayer title et al. Except I am not. I am still failing.

Last week went 6/12 in a stupid pug, supposed to be people with 7/12 achievs but tbh half the guys fought each other more then the mobs. went 6/12 and there you go, called. week before I went 0/12. Got in, but dps was pathetic. 5.5kgscore rogues doing 2k with buff. The 3.8kgscore boomkin (kingslayer on my alt honest!) doing 5k 2nd on meters under me. 6k ks bear /w me an apology cos with all due respect this group cant take out marrowgar, he doesnt want to be saved on this so he's passing and would i like to join his pug later?. Week before that I went 1/12 on an advertised alt boost run to go 4/12. even there i had fkers leaving halfway through. I also got /w asking why i was doing that. I mean seriously? ks pro gear? you dont have to do this man... well. beats not raiding at all i think.

So this week rite, doing it properly. rolled up my sleeves, got to buisness. inspect north dal bank with eg,going 10/12 you dont have gems/enchants dont bother me ty. Well it didnt fking work. I handed raid to a ten man ks so lootship could be hc, she handed it back to another (diff) raider, who then dictacted order of raid. after saur went to bcouncil (a mistake) did fester then rot. then a druid left. after that droped mini boss before dreamwalker and raid called. No try to replace "wont save anyone else to this" despite i had dps on call waiting to join. and yes they would have joined for the achievment. I always go for dreamwalker first, shes easier of all of them. Anyway, i quibble, point is i gave my raid over. Cant argue with the fact I am 6/12 again, just point out that again i have failed. Always failure.

You know greedy goblin/gevlon goes on alot about the m(orons) and s(lackers) who infest this game of ours, you know the ones I talk about, they were in this afternoon, /w me with there 71 talent specs and there ungemmed t9 and hateful gladiator gear. Well this is an mmorpg. Its about finding ten people (or 25) who are similar to you, in abilty and experience. Then going out and playing together. The fact I cant do this... I might as well just go fking gem for spell power seriously, I am just as lame, my results just as bad. I am failing at this game. I dont fucking like it, but its the sad and sorry truth. My continual failure to be able to find a group that can do anything that matters in the game eats at me. this example of my incompetance is unacceptable to me and its painful to admit. Its not like i can just wave a hand and say "ManS lol", cos ffs I am attracting decent players here. I also see what true good leaders do with top raiders on this server. suppose one disadvantage of occasionally getting into top pugs/raids you see the best and are shown yr place. I give an example here, cos its important to put into perspective.

There was an uld25 achiev run going down 2 weeks ago, saw it advertised alot, then later on gchat when looking for replacments. I got in there later after my dailes 2 bosses down and we went an wiped straight on next load of trash (ofc) so we came back in and i laid a fish feast. thats when i heard over vent (yeah did i mention the run was organised by foam, top horde guild on saurfang and we used vent?) "nightgerbil is in the raid? (laughter)" pretty much my rep i think. Took some comfat from replies of "nightgerbils pro man" and from the raid leader:"erm yeah nightgerbil has run with us before, hes always done real well despite being worse geared then most cos he listens to what i say and does what i asks" Well as a reference to "can you raid" I think that from the raid leader of top horde guild on my server isnt exactly damming, but its still not good that my prescence is worth mentioning. I then watched the raid carefully. It might seem he was kick happy, but ya know adrenaline (foam leader) and kira (my raid leader) kick people in the middle of fights. They kick between fights as well, but the point is they are hard with it. Dont perform, fail at mechanics and its bye bye. No question or discussion. So while I sit here pondering my failure, I look at the reason why i was /w wasnt passed lead of my own fucking raid back to me: "you are to soft on the pugs".

Something to ponder while I kick myself for failing AGAIN.

1 comment:

  1. What do I say to someone who won't let me call myself a failure, and then turn around and do it to himself?

    Okay, you are basically saying you failed at being a hard-ass leader. My question is would you like yourself if you do become that hard-ass leader? You might have to tweak your leadership skill a bit, and maybe be more firm, assert that 'ruler-of-the-world' attitude more, but as for everything, leadership needs practice. You'll get there.

    on a side note spelling wise:

    comfat - comfort

    And don't go calling yourself a failure again, coz if I can't, you can't either. :)