Mrs Puddlefeathers sighed deeply and with a fond look and a shake of her head told the young Princess about the plight of the Rat Prince. “The Prince I am afraid is currently a prisoner my dear. Some years ago a wicked goblin witch cornered the market in tasty Lancashire cheese (which all the world knows is the tastiest cheese…) and upped the prices by 1000%. Well the rats were being impoverished by these steep prices and kittens were going hungry so the Prince being the brave Prince did the Princely thing: He boldly crept into the castle past all the wicked tomcat guards and made his way to the witches larder. Unfortunately he set off a hidden magical alarm and before he could make good his escape with all the cheese he could carry he was caught, by the witch, and turned into a frog! He’s been stuck by the pond of her roof garden ever since.”
“Frog huh?” said the Princess, “well that shouldn’t be an issue seeing as I am a Princess. One kiss and I can see if there’s any truth to the story about those whiskers of his.” “Did I mention the warts?” asked Mrs Puddlefeathers. “Wa…wa…warts?” replied the Princess paling slightly. “Don’t worry dear” soothed Mrs Puddlefeathers, “I’ll get you some ointment.”
So that is how the Princess came to travel to the land of the goblins. It was very easy to get to, with a superb transportation network and a Starbucks on every corner(some say it was a Goblin who created Starbucks, but that might be just a rumour.) Before long she had arrived at Witches lane, the major shopping area for spells, wands, fortune tellings, curses and tasty Lancashire cheese (yes the goblins still own the monopoly on the importation of that particular luxury item, much to the distress of the poverty stricken rats.) As she walked down the main thoroughfare, past all the rows of Goblin Skymagetowers and being bustled by busy goblin businessmen barging past with barely a “times money friend” by way of apology, she spotted the tower she was after. Or rather she spotted on the public lawn opposite said tower a swarm of rats clustered around a telescope they had somehow managed to erect over the back of a bench and pointing at the roof of the tower. As she walked over to the giant pack she couldn’t help but notice the way they kept pushing and shoving each other to get a turn at the telescope (though they were all careful not to knock it) and so it was with some amusement she loudly said “Excuse me please, I am looking for the Prince of the Rats. Is he in that tower?” and watched them all fall over in shock and astonishment. “Blimey Miss” squeaked one “Don’t sneak up on a poor girl like that will ya you near gave me the death o fright. Our old prince he’ up in that there tower alright but there’ no way to get to him see. The towers rigged with magical traps, we’ve no way of getting past those blasted tommies that witch has guarding the door and even if we did get past all that… well he’s a frog now Miss ain’t he? Not a lot any of us ladies can do for the lad right now, just sneak a peak and try to see if he still has his whiskers”
“humph, mind if I look?” asked the Princess bending down and peering through the glass (though being careful not to move it) without waiting for a reply. Looking through she could see up on a balcony just a few stories up a small roof garden with, sure enough, a pond and a rather large frog. “I can’t see any warts…” she muttered under her breath, which produced a startled response from the rats that were clustered around her. Ignoring them however she stepped boldly forward to the tower and as she crossed the thoroughfare she could see the Tomcats at the gate had spotted her. Sure enough they had marked her out as she had spoken to the rats and now with arched backs they hissed at her “HISSSSSSS!” Now this would surely have seen off any rat so foolhardy as to try to gain entrance to the tower, but not our Princess! Oh no. Not at the prices they had charged her for a cappuccino just before she got to witches lane! So with a clap of her hands and a stamp of her foot she shooed them away (drawing gasps of admiration from the audience of rats behind her). She then pondered her next move, a tad concerned about the magical traps mentioned by that rat earlier. After all she had no wish to be caught, she came looking for a prince but being a frog princess next to a frog prince wasn’t what she had in mind. Soon however she came up with a plan and she braided her long dark hair. Turning the end into a lasso like in one of her books on cowboys she then had fun missing the railings at the top of the balcony with the end of it. “This is harder then it sounded” muttered the Princess “He had better be worth it. My arms are starting to ache.” She got it in the end though which just goes to show that sometimes a little perseverance is worth the effort. Climbing up onto the balcony she announced to the startled frog “I am a Princess! I’m here to rescue you!”
Well as can be imagined the frog was a little non-plussed by this, but the Princess moved swiftly smearing her lips with ointment that she hoped would work, crouching down in front of the frog and with two firms hands holding him (and trying not to notice his hideous warts) she closed her eyes puckered up and laid a big kiss on his lips. As she felt the frog kiss her back though a worm of doubt entered her mind. Why had he not changed back yet? “Oh no” she though as the kiss lingered “Am I kissing the wrong frog?” The final straw though was when she felt the big slimy frog tongue slip past her lips and brush the roof of her mouth: she’d had enough! As she broke contact trying very valiantly when alls said and done not to be sick there and then she did however spot that where once sat a frog there now stood a rather large (and if one were to be put on the spot a rather uncommonly good looking) rat looking at her with an amused glint in its little beady eye. “Jolly good of you to come and save me like that what?” he exclaimed “still I think you might want to consider getting us out of here sharpish. Before you know, Goblin witch, outstanding disagreement on acceptable profit margins etc, etc?” “Why yes of course!” said the Princess “Lets get out of here!” and so as the Rat Prince leapt onto her shoulder she went to the edge of the balcony gulped “don’t look down!” and abseiled down by her hair to the distant sound of many rodent cheers.
So it was as they landed at the base of the wicked goblin witches tower, the Princess found herself surrounded by a mass of cheering adoring rodent females (luckily rats don’t wear knickers or for sure she would have been covered in them) as they all pushed and shoved each other in there effort to see the Prince. “I love you!” they squeaked. Quite the rock star she thought to herself, looking at his whiskers. Maybe there was something to them she pondered while they hurriedly walked away into the sunset together for their happy ending, after all they were quite long and rat…YANK! The Princess was nearly pulled backwards and came to an abrupt stop. She couldn’t go a single step further and turning her head she could see why. Her hair was still attached to the railings on the towers balcony! And to make matters worse she had walked so far she had pulled the knot tight. There was no way she could get that loose! Panic overwhelmed her as she thought about the witches reaction when she caught her and punished her. “I don’t want to be a frog” she thought. The rodent lord however had quickly seen the issue. With a yell of ”Never fear Princess my dear, For I am here! HURRAH!” he scampered up her braid. At the top on the balcony his clever little fingers quickly undid a knot to tight for human fingers our Princess as the Gallant Princes final exit, swinging from the end of her braid to the safety of her shoulder inand one the princess feared might have to be cut off, yet none of that made as much an impression on a giant arch with the Cry “For Love and Cheese!”
And that dear reader is how the Princess came to meet the Prince of the Rats.
The weirdo clash theory
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