Wednesday, November 30, 2011

A tale of three princes part one

This being a story I wrote as a birthday present. Had some technical issues with it and ripped out alot of the dialogue as I wasnt happy with it. Part two to be posted soon when I resolve an issue with the ending.

A tale of three Princes

Once upon a time in the far away land of Yaslasyia lived a beautiful Princess in an enormous giant white tower that was so tall you could see from its summit for miles around. It had vast pretty gardens, a grand entrance hall and its many bedrooms were filled with all the Princess’s many many books that nobody else wanted to read. So many books in fact the housekeeper Mrs Puddlefeathers despaired of all the dusting she had to do as she waddled around the tower cleaning in between making the Princess cups of tea with the help of the talking teapot Henry and his accompanying cups Ernest and Percy. She had to admit she quite liked Henry, he was quite sensible as talking teapots go, but the cups could be just so silly at times!

It was during an elevenses that the she noticed the Princess gazing longingly out of the window and she seemed down at the mouth, so she quacked “what’s wrong my dear?”. “Oh I don’t know” replied the Princess “I just keep watching the road waiting for a Prince to ride up and ask to court me, but they never do.” Well Mrs Puddlefeathers was quite taken aback at this” You do realise my dear that there aren’t many Princes floating around out there and besides your so pretty it probably deters potential suitors!” Henry chirped in then with a suggestion that maybe the Princess should approach a Prince herself? Ernest and Percy found that hilarious and proceeded to mock him as they always did like to poke fun at him, until Mrs Puddlefeathers snapped “Oh shut up you two, that was a good idea! Thank you Henry. Hmmn now lets see, who would be suitable?”

Well that Dear Reader is how the Princess came about travelling to the land of Rhinos to meet their Prince. He was widowed and a tad old, but as everyone knows the rhinos have a reputation as perfect gentlemen with impeccable manners, so it was certainly worth a visit! It took a week to reach the land of the Rhinos, a vast plain of grass and shopping centres where they served grass cakes with the coffee to cater to the locals in the Starbucks. The Princess found The Prince of the Rhinos in a retirement home next to a particularly good grazing patch where he seemed quite pleased to see her. She did admit he looked rather fine, with his purple velvet dinner jacket and immaculate black trousers, but those glasses he wore were enormously thick and he seemed hard of hearing: she had to speak very loudly and repeat herself a lot. The final straw though was rubbing cream into his bunions for him, the cream smelt horrible and made her hands all slimy. This wont do she thought, we have nothing in common at all. He doesn’t even read! So off she trudged back home.

Well as you can imagine the Princess was a bit depressed about the outcome of the trip, but Mrs Puddlefeathers soon cheered her up with a nice cup of tea and the suggestion she try the Prince of the Monkeys. “I don’t know” pointed out Henry, “the monkeys are all quite young you know. It might be years before their Prince is old enough to marry” “Well I can go and see” replied the Princess. “Yes” quacked Mrs Puddlefeathers, “Go and see what you think, you ought to get along swimmingly.”

So Dear Reader the Princess set off to the land of the Monkeys, a hot place deep in the jungle with lots of trees and creepy crawlies. It took a week to hike up there and they didn’t even have any Starbucks! that’s how far away it was. Well when the Princess arrived she met the Princes mother and they had a nice cup of tea and a chat, then went out to the trees where the Prince was playing with his friends throwing fruit at an elephant who was trying to sleep. “Come down from there and meet this Princess, she’s come along way to see you” yelled his mum. “NO!” “You come down right now mister!” “I DON’T WANT TO! SHES A GIRL! I DON’T LIKE GIRLS” “Don’t make me come up there and get you!” yelled his mum, to which the naughty prince put his hand to his bottom and taking something very nasty threw it at the Princess before retreating high into the tree out of sight. How rude! It got all in her hair and smelled horrible and that was the end of that! She was very angry as she walked home muttering to herself.

When the Princess arrived home at the tower Mrs Puddlefeathers ran a bath for her and washed her hair, then they sat down for a nice cup of tea. “I am not happy” declared the Princess “that horrible little monkey isn’t anything I want to spend time with. There has to be another Prince! Who else is there?”

“Ermm, well. Let me think. The Prince of the Tigers was shot last year by a big game hunter. The Prince of the elephants got married last year to a snake and the Prince of the Zebras has declared himself gay and run off with another Zebra to San Francisco. About the only eligible bachelor that springs to mind is the Prince of the Rats and well…”. “A rat?” said the Princess flatly. “Oh don’t be put off by the fact he is a rodent” Henry had been quiet until now and ignoring the giggles from the teacups he spoke on: “By all accounts he’s a very handsome rat, quite tall with a black coat and white belly. His whiskers are supposed to be incredibly dashing (if your into that sort of thing, which evidently Lady rats are) His courage though that’s the thing. You may not know, but all the Rodents elect their Princes and Princesses and the Prince of the Rats was elected by unanimous acclaim after a feat of the most astonishing bravery!” “Really?” replied the Princess, now intrigued “whatever did he do?”. “He squeaked at a cat! Now now, don’t look at me like that it’s a very brave thing for a Rat to stand up on his hind legs, look a pussycat straight in the eyes and squeak defiance at him. That cat was outta there I tell you! Ran for the hills.” “Sounds to me more like a scaredy CAT” muttered the Princess, to which Mrs Puddlefeathers pointed out the Prince of the Rhinos was still available. “Ok so the Rat Prince it is” beamed the Princess “where can I find this gallant rodent?”

Now there Dear Reader lies a tale in itself…

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